Wednesday, March 21, 2012

This Post Is For Rae.


So there's been a collective cry of outrage at Mass Effect 3. People are enraged and petitioning for new endings, and while I do admit a certain disappointment at the lack of difference between the endings that's not what I'm here to post angry about.

I should have done this on my first play though. However that wouldn't have been quite as angry as this one. You see I lacked foresight and bought ME:3 on the PS3 thinking about how much more I like playing games on the Playstation and not realizing that meant no imports. Mind you my imports were only of ME:2 since I never did get around to stomaching the controls of the first one on XBox. My husband was on March Break a week early and thus home for the release. His luck earned him the first play through. In an attempt to hide from spoilers I threw on my head set and got me a copy of ME:1 for PC. This doubled as a punishment for him as I was immune to the whines of children so he became snack getter and nose wiper default.

But just catching bits and pieces I new not only would I love it, it would ruin my life. I'm that kind of gamer, I play for the story, and Bioware [IMO] does the best story. I lose myself in the world I know the characters like they're real people that I actually talk to, add to that the military centric personalities of 3 and my own experience being a military spouse, well the game hit home. Even the chorus characters chattering the background felt familiar. Without an Import I was in a worst case scenario. I had to save the Galaxy, I couldn't let them down. The hard choices, the lost friends, I ended the game in the fetal position on my sofa with my three year old patting me on the head telling me everything would be okay, "it's just a game, Mommy, it's not real." At one point I turned the game off at 8pm dosed myself with NyQuil and went to bed, I just could not deal with it anymore.

So now I'm playing through with a plan, a full import. I've made choices specifically because I'd never chosen them or because I knew they would impact 3 in some way. This entry is going to be comprised of my own reactions. Things I yell at the Characters, texts I send my husband while he's at work, IMs to my best friends, Facebook statuses.

This was posted last night in reference to my original play through. A friend had stopped by for a chat and we were discussing my choice to play through again, my husband is an asshole and made a comment and I had an...outburst. This was in reference to the outburst:

"Just for the record, I would like to state that it wasn't my fault, I didn't kill them, I didn't kill her, they made their choices and if you people would stop telling me it was my fault I would stop squealing and crying. "

An IM to my friend referencing the fact I was installing ME:3 on PC:

"derpderp can't stop until I cant will myself to open my eyes"

A text to my husband after he made a comment on the visual quality of PC vs Console but left without seeing any gameplay:

"I'm playing it with the graphics on high, faith in my computer restored."

These were all made within 20mins of one another, the first and last are facebook posts, the middle is an IM to a good friend:

"What's that Mass Effect 3 again? That's right I enjoy pain."

"Alt+Tabbing because I refuse to watch that kid die for the 10th time" (I played the demo a lot)

"this was probably a horrible idea..." Followed by the comment; " I mean we all know horrible for me = hilarious for everyone else. Maybe J will take videos of my outbursts this time. I mean I'm like 15 minutes in and the voice in my head is like THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"

"I dunno Mr. Cerberus, do Alliance regulars make your head explode while giggling like a 2 year old with stolen candy?"

"I do not think I can accurately recreate that last maniacal gremlin on meth laugh that just happened." -Shuttle crashes are awesome ok.

Texts to my Husband:

"Fuck the fucking council, we were meat shields to save them once we're just meat shields again. Fuckers, I should have let em burn." -I sacrificed human lives to save the council securing humanity a seat on it in the first game.

"but it's totes okay because they're gonna let me me keep being a fucking spectre WHOOP TEE FUCKING DOOO"

IM to a friend:

"mother painting bad dreams, stupid dead kids."

Yelled at my husband:

"Fuck you Bioware, you win this time. Not only did I think she was dead I threw things at my husband when he accused me of killing her. I also made that weird choked squealy noise while defending myself. This game is a big asshole."

"Seriously, I just get to watch Thane die of Alien lung cancer, are you kidding me. I want to slam doors and scream YOU'RE HORRIBLE. "

"I need an Avina Terminal, you know for the kids. I mean that way something can answer their questions without making a fart joke."

"Honest to god I want to hurt the person who thought the irritating sound from war of the worlds (no not Tom Cruises voice) should be the reaper alert."


"Honest to god are these Guardians materializing out of my fucking ass?!"

"I may have died 700 times but at least this time no one fucking else did."

"Seriously Deletrass? I mean really, you practically sterilized a whole nation and you're calling me a bully because I suggest you give them a cure or we won't save your planet? LOLWUT."

"Wutwut, making friends like a mother fucker. Bitches ain't got shit." -Re: Commander Kirihe

"That's it, I have to Marry EDI." -Re: EDIs opinions on Transhumans.

"Hold the fucking line!!!"

Missed a paragon option? ALT F4 LIKE A MOFO.

Know what I need a pet Varren, they're like a shark and a dog in one. I need it.

I am going to be Aria T'Loak when I grow up.

Oh look, Commander Shepard fell down...AGAIN.

At this point everything is going so much better then expected, I mean I'm still waiting for everyone to die horrible deaths cause by me, but I feel like I should have my webcam to record my random outbursts of glee. Since they're less yelling words and more noises and dancing...

A conversation with my husband:

J: What was that noise?
Me: What noise?
J: The Noise that just happened?
Me: Oh I found a reaper weapon, you know how heavy weapons just lay around the ground and you use 'em until they run out of ammo. I just killed a Harvester with it.
J: But what was that noise?
Me: The gun? It sounds like a reaper firing, it was AWESOME.
J: OK, but what was that noise? You're wearing headphones I can't hear your game.
Me: What?
J: You made a noise.
Me: I what?
J: You made a noise, a weird noise like -makes a noise like the dead thing in The Grudge- only kinda happy. What was that.
Me: I. Made. A. Noise?

And I'm crying, I knew it was coming because I picked the same option as before (I am a sucker for Krogan, trying to play through next time without the cure will be hard). Mordin dying though, it just gets me. He's one of my favorites, but afterwards seeing Eve survive, and telling me her real name, I almost lost it. So far still doing emotionally better then my first play through.

Shepards having another bad dream.

Re-taking the citadel. might be pouting a little. Thane is trying to help. Poor sick Thane =/

Well I've now just found out what it sounds like when girly sounds of glee turn to weeping mid squee. You don't fuck with Thane. Kai Leng's death with taste better then a cheap bottle of Moscato...what? I have cheap taste in things that make me drunk. Stop judging me.

Message to my husband re: The above events:

"You probably felt that, like a thousand voices crying out at once
that was me.
Kai Leng's blood will be the sweetest thing I've ever drank."

Honestly fuck renegade points, fuck saving Kaiden the guilt, I've wanted to kill Udina for 3 fucking games. Dear Bioware, thanks for making that dream come true.

I am now a mess, I ugly cried, my nose is running I've still got tears running down my face. That bottle of Havana Club is looking really good right now. Seriously, his final words were to pray for me, his final wish was that drell prayer. Fuck you Bioware.

To my husband:

"If you don't tear up when Thane dies, I don't think we can be together anymore."

Facebook Status:

"Now the choice remains, Ugly cry myself to bed, or make Cerberus my bitch? Decisions, decisions."

Okay, talking to Jack made me feel better.

Seriously? Did I just check out Kaiden's ass. I approve.

Facebook Status:

I'm going to create a mass effect drinking game; First Rule: Take a drink whenever Shepard falls down."

Researching your desired outcome before playing through a section of plot is totally not cheating.

"You know you might have a problem when they friend who used to check on you when your husband was deployed suggests maybe he should be checking on you because of the video games you're playing...

I may have made more notes for playing this game then I made for my advanced classes in high school.

Successfully saved both the Geth and the Quarians. This means I did not have to medicate myself before going to bed like last time [I may have taken NyQuil and gone to bed at 8...]. However I felt like a bad person. Legion is an amazing character [imo] and while Tali's death ruined me for like a week, I barely teared up at the loss of Legion. Tali's death may have been tragic but it was also slightly infuriating, I was mad at her, mad at Gerrel and Xen and the rest of the fleet, mad at myself, I don't even know.

I mean I didn't even acknowledge that the Geth VI had died in my first play-through until later on the Normandy while talking with EDI. As opposed to the tragedy of Tali's death Legion makes a pretty poignant sacrifice, having only just achieved true awareness, being an individual for not even a day he gives up his life to allow his people the same individuality. I feel like I should have been more emotionally invested in Legion then I was, and I wonder if my indifference makes me as bad as Han Gerrel.

You know props to Martin Sheen for an excellent job of the Illusive Man, but at this point if I ever ran into him somewhere I might not be able to resist the urge to try to fight him.

1). Drunk Tali is adorable and I want to hug her forever.
2). Does the crucible look like a giant space penis to anyone else?

Killing Kai Leng felt so much better this time. I totally ka-bob'd his liver, and in a cut scene that only exists in my head I totally ate his heart.

Seriously Tali and Garus, a ship I can totally get behind.

Mentally preparing myself for the final push to the beam. Spoke with all my party members, cried three times.

I feel like making the push with Hammer is a bad move. I mean by the time you make the push the Reaper's know the score. Aside from that with the Illusive dick feeding them intel they know Shep is on the way. Personally I feel like the smart way to have done this would be to leave Hammer on defense and take a small squad. Yes Reaper forces are there en masse, I get it and I get that this is a last ditch but why throw all your darts when the bulls eye is easier to hit with one? Hacket says "this isn't Akuze, we're all getting out" then you get there and Anderson is like "So this is everyone, we're going to book it to the rendezvous and if you live that far we'll bezerker the fucking beam." (I'm paraphrasing of course).

A small team might take a little longer to get to the beam but I feel like they would have had more of a chance. There are already pockets of support in the field who can make their own pushes as distractions without risking the bulk of the troops. I feel like if the small squad had pushed through after taking down the Hades Cannon things could have gone better for them. Though I will admit I am not the most tactical person in the world. Just seems like a bad plan Admiral Wuss Puss. *Keith also voiced the cat in Coraline which my now 4 year old used to watch every day.

Shepard uses sword-hand, it's super effective.

And I'm done. The first time I played through I bawled when Anderson died, but this time, really thinking about his tactics for that fight, I was kind of angry. Not happy he died but not as torn up. As for the ending I choose Synthesis this time (control my first play through). I have to say while I am still disappointed that the ending cinematic are basically the same thing I do have to say the circuitry filter and it's implications intrigued me. Now that Synthetics and Organics have synthesized could we see the Geth reproducing with organic species? Could Joker and EDI have a baby? I mean there was obviously a molecular level of change happening in that flash, even the plant life got it.

The ending didn't enrage me as it did some fans. It left me with some questions that didn't really effect the story but I'm creative I can make up my own answers, there's certainly plenty of information out there. I'm interested to see what the DLC ending [I've heard is in the works] has to bring. As for what becomes of the survivors, the world and lore Bioware created was excellent. I know personally speaking I would love to see spin off games that take place in the Mass Effect Universe.

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